And now a word from our sponsor:
Greetings. My name is _______________ and did you know that six out of ten marriages in America today result in divorce? In some wedding vows the happy couple has begun to replace the phrase ‘til death do us part’ with ‘until our love ends’. Divorces are costly; many easily run into the tens of thousands, and that does not begin to cover such expenses as alimony and child support.
Who gets the house? Chances are whoever you happen to be, it’s not you. Vindictiveness and bitterness flood divorce and it’s a fifty-fifty shot that your ex- will poison the children against you. In the worst scenarios women accuse perfectly wonderful fathers of being child molesters. Talk about playing dirty. Cars, assets, even pensions and future earnings-if they fall into the right category-can be flushed down the toilet where your ex- will be waiting to collect them.
Your entire life is at stake.
If you find yourself in the category of those six out of ten and are facing an expense divorce, I ask you to consider my representation. With my expertise and job performance you will potentially save hundreds of thousands in the long run, not to mention untold dignity and social status.
Ask yourself one simple question: is it cheaper to be divorced or widowed?
Every year the costs of lawyers, trials, paperwork, filing fees, asset moderators and more are skyrocketing. Friends have to choose between you and your ex-; children have to watch as their parents’ dirty laundry is aired out in embarrassing testimonies. And the list goes on. For some the costs never end, and the monetary portion is just the beginning.
But think about it: if your spouse has a sad, unfortunate, untimely accident you will be saved all of that. No one has to know you two were on the verge of exploding. Any secret is best kept sealed on the lips of the deceased, period.
It’s actually quite simple. Retain my services for an affordable fee and the end will be swift and pain-free for everyone. No uncomfortable choices, explanations, shame or humiliation. Not to mention the only hit your bank account will take is the funeral costs. And depending on how you want your image to be afterwards those can be quite cheap.
The children never have to know about addictions or affairs. The sympathy pouring in from family, in-laws and friends will be overwhelming. Everything changes when you are the victim of life’s cruelest joke instead of being the bad guy who was caught banging out his secretary. Really; is this any more low than accusing a man of being a child molester?
It just makes sense.
So call now for a free, private consultation. I offer several packages at varying prices, all with a money back guarantee if your spouse somehow survives. So what have you got to lose… besides everything you’ve ever worked for?
So if ‘your love ends’ take your secret lover on a surprise cruise and leave the ‘til death do us part’ up to me.
20JAN09 2128 CT